In an exclusive interview on April 21 between reporter Morven Braedus and the Milky Way Galaxy’s newly discovered ‘The Unicorn,’ Quirky Quark readers were given a sneak peek into the daily life of our nation’s closest black hole.
When asked how the social scene is 5.9 trillion miles from planet Earth, The Unicorn explained, “I live in a binary system next to a single Red Giant. No one else around for trillions of miles. And, considering I’ve been slowly eating away at the outermost layer of its energy source for longer than your planet has been in existence, I can’t say that the red guy and I are really on speaking terms, either.” After several moments of uncomfortable silence between reporter Braedus and the unfathomable abyss of gravitational energy, the black hole blurted out a confession into our trans-stellar microphone. “And I’m really not too keen on the name,” he admitted, and went on to explain with some embarrassment, that “it just doesn’t really fit me.” Reporter Braedus apologized on behalf of the Earth, assuring the black hole that it was probably meant as a compliment, but the black hole shook it’s dense time-warping mass in disagreement. “But what about Cygnus X-1? Formax A? Messier 105?! Now those are some respectable, black hole-y names. How am I supposed to show my ergosphere at my first Gathering of Registered Space Masses with a name like ‘The Unicorn?’”
But before our reporting team could argue further with the enigmatic region of spacetime, a series of metallic screeching, flashing red lights, and an inappropriately calm female voice repeating Airlock Breach, Airlock Breach, sent the team into red alert. “I believe your Earth astrophysicists refer to this phenomenon as ‘spaghettification,’” the black hole explained cooly over the high-pitched screaming of the crew as they were ripped apart in its event horizon. “Now that’s a rather quaint term, I think.”
Nerdy Nugget: The findings for this one-of-a-kind black hole were published April 21, 2021 in Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society, describing it as the closest and the smallest black hole found to date in our galaxy.
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